“Where’s the Undo Button?” forgot about his date and now wants to make it up to her.
Photo credit: katerha from Flickr- Thank you!
Bridging the gap between male and female communication over love is always difficult. To get any honest advice, each participant needs to trust the other one which only comes with years of friendship.
Transitioning into the relationship stage is always difficult. Even something so simple as a cancellation of plans can turn into an intimidating text. “Just let me know if you don’t want to hang out with me again, I’d rather just know what’s up.” I will admit that I was in the wrong. I effectively stood her up. But that doesn’t mean I’m not interested. On the contrary I want nothing more but to reverse time and take back my mistake. Alas such is not possible. My question to you, Rachael, is how do I amend this now complicated situation? Honesty seems to be the best course of action, but what exactly do I say to redeem myself? I simply “just forgot”? “I’ve had a lot on my mind”? It seems I’m in quite the pickle. Would just like to hear your opinion on this matter. Thanks!
-Where’s the Undo Button?
Well, firstly, (as with all advice in this column) this recommendation comes with a limited knowledge about your particular situation, but I will do my best to answer, based on what you’ve told me.
I’m going to assume that this was a first date that you missed. She’s hurt, understandably, but her text to you suggests she’s also a little unsure of herself—she’s jumping to the conclusion that you don’t like her, rather than considering (like all college students) you’re balancing about 100,000 things.
How to proceed depends on your style and how you feel about this girl. I think this situation provides an opportunity for you to show her that, in fact, you do want to hang out with her and she means a lot to you. I don’t want to steer you wrong here, and trust your judgment about your level of commitment and how well you know her, but I think this may be the occasion for you to surprise her with something nice. That could mean showing up at her dorm and taking her to dinner and/or a movie; I think flowers are probably too much right now, since you’re at the first stages of your relationship, but that’s your call. If you know something she likes, you could get her something small (make her a CD or buy her favorite chocolate bar?). Making it up to her shows her you care about her and think she’s special—something she’s struggling with right now.
Beforehand, say sorry, and explain what happened that made you forget the date—a big project, other commitments that came up. Since you do feel bad and it seems like you won’t forget again, show her it was a one-time thing and has nothing to do with her, just your preoccupation and foolishness (a little self-deprecation can help smooth things over). Tell her you’d like to make it up to her this weekend (or whenever), and make it a really good date.
My roommate and I just discussed this and we agree that if we were in her position, we would want to see a lot of effort put into your second try. Right now you’ve got to show her why she should want to date you, because there’s some doubt in her mind right now.
Best of luck and feel free to respond with how it goes. Readers are also encouraged to reply with their ideas.
-Rachael, Advice a la Mode